Egg McMuffin
McDonald’s
Multiple locations
Breakfast times vary
Price varies, roughly $3.00

Nowhere else does truly terrible food taste as good as it does at McDonald’s. I don’t need to tell you how awful the food is for your body, or how disgraceful and environmentally-irresponsible are the company’s business practices. You know these things. But you eat there anyway, because it’s really cheap and it tastes awesome. And that pretty much sums up the entire problem with our food system, and helps explain a bit about why we’re all fat. But at least the McDonald’s Egg McMuffin, the second entry in our September Sunrise Sandwich Spree, is only 300 calories. And while those 300 calories might be full of future regret and completely bereft of nutritional value, that’s better than 1,600 calories full of regret and bereft of nutritional value, am I right? I honestly cannot remember the last time I ate lunch or dinner at McDonald’s, but for breakfast I indulge once every six months or so. I won’t waste space describing the Egg McMuffin’s ingredients or how it tastes. For me it tastes like childhood. I’m guessing I’m not alone in this, as the vast majority of the world’s population spends childhood within five miles of a McDonald’s, and the food tastes exactly the same at every single McDonald’s, ever, which is an accomplishment in itself, of sorts.

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